I didn't get a chance to post last night ... but huzzah! I've made it a week (and more, now) and I'm still feeling good. Went to yoga yesterday morning (rear-ended a gal on the way there who was also going to hot yoga, oddly enough ... it was super icy out, so that was no bueno, even though it's just a tiny little scratch. But, insurance is good, and because we're both Pemco customers, they're waiving my deductible to get my own car fixed. Yesss!)
Anyway.
So, yes. One week down. I feel no closer to caving in, though I still find myself in the middle of ordinary conversations or just working on something, and all of a sudden "TACOS" comes into my brain. Normal? Maybe? Dude if you knew what kind of tacos were available in Yakima, you'd have them storming your thoughts, too. Ay, mi madre.
Yesterday was a rough day; I cannot underestimate the impact of missing a meal. I had breakfast when I got home from yoga, about 10 a.m., then went North Town for tea & talk with a friend, then to Court's to have her be my Costco-card escort, and with extensive grocery shopping, I didn't get home to make my second juice of the day til almost 5 p.m. Twas very painful, especially walking down aisles filled with BOXES of candy bars at Costco. I told Court I wanted to dive into a box of Snickers; "You don't really, though, do you?" she asked (she is so nice & optimistic of my healthful mindset), and I was like, "No, actually, I really do." I could've eaten 10 of 'em. (Bars, not boxes of bars.) Even when not fasting, it's always a mistake to go to the grocery store hungry.
But I made it out of there alive, with all my pineapple and watermelon and mango and spinach and celery and errythang. Made it through Fiesta Foods, too.
I was quite a bummermuffins to Courtney, though; again, missing a meal when your meals are already pretty slim makes a huge difference in mood. I was going on and on about how there's no hope of this being a lifestyle change; how it will always feel like a deprivation; sigh. That's true for me, at certain times of the day. I feel much better during the evening when I'm thinking about it for myself, and planning how I want to go on beyond the juice fast.
Which leads me to: I will try to make this a 2 1/2 or 3 week juice fast. I know; I seem more than a little masochistic. But I think the longer I can go, the more likely it will be to make some sort of permanent impact on my eating habits.
At the very least, I want to go through next Sunday. So 15 days total. And from there, if I truly cannot juice 100 percent, I will at least make it so that 2 of 3 meals are juice. I'm thinking breakfast and dinner as juice, then lunch as something still healthy and mostly vegan that I cook at home and bring to work.
Not that I want to go vegan, mind you. But again — if I just jump back into eating everything I used to after this juice fast, then it'll feel like, "Well, that was a good exercise in self-restraint, and now this is my reward." I don't want healthy food to be a punishment or junk food to be a reward. I want to know what's good for me, and what I can have in moderation.
But yeah, never vegan. Sheesh. I quote Sarah Palin, dimwitted as she is, with this little gem: "If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?" Well said, you reality-TV-show-ing politician, you.
Other motive for continuing this through the third week: I'm headed to Seattle/Olympia the weekend after, and I would like to maintain my current slightly-more-trim self while I'm there. (Also, because my time in Seattle really will be an indulgence, with all that food that I want to buy there. Maybe I'll bring it all back and have 1 thing for each lunch of the week after? I bet it would keep ...)
Today at 5th Act (my church group thing), we read through the part in Sermon on the Mount where Jesus talks about fasting, and it really worried me, because I don't want to be the kind of person who goes, "LOOK AT ME, I'M FASTING, AREN'T I AWESOME?!?!" I mean, I'm blogging about it ... that's kind of out there for the world to see. I haven't gone out of my way to tell anyone about it; see below for my volatile reaction to a coworker making fun of my green lunch juice, and you'll know why I wish to avoid that. But with 5th Act, and folks at the play and other friends I spend time with, I kind of have to explain why I'm not eating and why I'm drinking what looks like baby diarrhea out of a Mason jar through a straw. (Today's lunch was disgustingly brown, but it tasted great: Red cabbage, carrots, apples, chard.) So I hope what I've done is just explanation, not parading through the streets like a pharisee.
I've got the juicer back at my house, now that Court has her own awesome high-powered machine, so I'm hoping that'll take some of the stress off the schedule. If possible, I'm going to make the next day's 3 juices the night before, so I can go about my daily business without having to worry about getting enough.
Tonight's is "bountiful brassica:" Broccoli, carrots, chard, apple, ginger, cabbage.
Anyway. I'm just killin' time here before I go to hot yoga again. I am going to be so sad when this two weeks is up and I actually have to pay for classes. But I think it'd be worth it, to keep feeling this good about myself.
Peace out, peeps!
—molls
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