Big shout-out to Emily and Ryan (who might actually be reading this blog!) for asking me about the juice fast last night and helping remind me why I started this in the first place. Whew. Those were a crankypants coupla' days there. Not fun for me or anyone around me, I don't think. But hey, Oreo withdrawal makes me irritable ... or something.
But yes — back on track! It feels good. Yesterday's juices, or at least the lunch one (more beets, and I'm still not a fan) weren't my favorite, but they weren't bad, either. This morning's breakfast was something very green; I don't exactly remember now, but I think just a standard spinach-apple-cuc combination. With a lot of lemon. And twas very good, and very refreshing.
Even before that juice, though, I woke up at 4:25 a.m. (I am NOT a morning person, in case you don't know) to go to 5 a.m. hot yoga at my new favorite place, Hot Spot yoga studio in this far-off train-track area of Yakima. It was so good. This was hatha, same as we did on Monday, but even with just 3 days in between, I felt stronger and better able to focus on the workout. (And I didn't sweat nearly as much, which I was actually a little sad about.) I've never liked yoga before, and I don't know what brought about the change, but it just makes me feel so fit and glowing and healthy and all that good stuff. My mom asked me what could have possessed me to wake up that early, and I explained that if I don't pair the juice fast with something active, I get dragged down too easily.
With yoga + juice fast, it's like ... I put good things into my body to get good out of it.
Also, having dropped a few pounds in water weight, I was just excited to feel confident in my stretchy yoga clothes. Ha.
Anyway — the juice fast is just chuggin' along. Still committed to two weeks, though it's still hard. I'm looking ahead a lot, which I'm not sure is a good thing (it definitely wasn't last night, when my brain was still whirring at midnight with meal plans for the week after the fast ends, and all I wanted was to fall asleep so 5 a.m. wouldn't suck as much) but helps me keep going, at least. Not looking ahead to eating junk food, but to how I'll be able to continue eating healthily — a big shift from where my mind was when I blogged yesterday morning.
I mean, yes, unhealthy food is in there, too. The weekend after juice fast, I'm hoping to go over to Seattle maybe, and I have a list of all the food I need to get in the U-District. Gyoza from Ichiro, butter chicken from Cedars, pad thai from Thai Tom, wings at Finns, CHIPOTLE (obvi) and maybe even sushi from I Love Sushi on Eastlake. Gahhhh hunger.
But I'm feeling good today. What a roller coaster this week is. The tough lesson in that, I think, is that I can control my emotions if I really want to. I was stewing the last two days because I wanted to stew — it was a very self-indulgent, self-pitying place that did no good for me, and I knew that, but I still wanted to stew. If I'd listened to my better half/rational side, I would have been much calmer and happier. But sometimes, I just cave to my petty side.
I'm not sure what I'm learning from this other than that yes, I do have self-control. It's interesting, though; I talk about the temptations of food, but really, the determination/promise to fulfill the entire two weeks is always on top of those temptations. I don't think I've been in any danger of breaking the fast. I would be too disappointed in myself. So I'm not sure if I have self-control, or just stubbornness. Stubbornness isn't a perfect alternative; it seems to make it more about myself, not about glorifying God in training myself to hold back from absolute indulgence. And it means I'm the one giving myself strength — which, as recent posts have shown, is neither reliable nor healthy.
Ah well. Tomorrow will be a week, and then I'll be on the downhill leg of the race. And "I just keep rollin' alooonnng."
— molls
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