OK, so at this moment, I feel full to the point of puking up all the delicious butter chicken from Cedars Indian restaurant in the U-District that I just consumed ... blahhhhguh.
This is a problem.
I think I did pretty well last week; I wasn't as strong on the no-snacking thing at home as I wanted to be, but my only snacks were avocados with lemon & salt, and apples with the homemade almond or cashew butter ... so still, we're better than Oreos. Whew. And I had my healthy brown-rice-and-veggies for lunches (even though that still felt like way too much food), then transitioned back to juice on Friday for lunch so I felt good going into Oly.
But still ... the snacking makes me feel icky. And weak. It's only apples and almond butter! But almond butter is realllllly good, and I think it's the mentality of snacking that's a problem. Like this morning - I ate my apple & almond butter because I wanted to, because I liked the taste, rather than because I was hungry.
And I finished off the rest of my butter chicken with rice — I'd had a small portion of it last night for dinner, which still left me feeling really full — because I wanted it, and because it tasted good, not because I actually needed that enormous amount of food (and not because "it's going to go bad," as I rationalized to myself. I could have stretched that out all week and it would have been fine). And now I feel gross and fat and back to where I was before the juice fast.
And I know; I know; the point was not to lose weight. I told myself that it wasn't going to be the kind of weight that would stay off. But still — I really liked myself a lot better down those 10 pounds than I liked myself at my previous weight ... and I'm edging closer to that higher number every day now.
So, what to do? I mean, I've got healthy groceries; I bought flax seed and oats and granola and couscous and fruits yesterday, and I still have no (real) desire to eat Reese's or Oreos. But it's this problem of portion control; of stopping when it's enough; of reigning myself in when I know I don't need to keep eating.
Ugh I feel so full! I do not like this feeling! To bring myself back in line, it's going to be back to juice tonight and tomorrow. I think I have enough carrots, celery, cucumbers and apples to make that work. Crap, no spinach though. I'll need to buy some. I'm spending so much money on groceries ... I wish we had a WinCo! Or that I had a Costco membership. I should get on that.
But seriously, this awful full feeling-thing is making me think that I need to permanently keep at least one meal a day as juice. Or perhaps some combination so that three of six meals in each two-day period are juice. Maybe that's just better for my body. It's hard to feel over-full with juice. And it will force me to keep self-control as a daily part of my routine.
The positive long-term effect, I guess, is that the idea of going back to juice fills me with relief, not dread. The hardest thing to avoid will be the almond butter (seriously, guys, it's the most delicious thing ever. Though Court says the rule of thumb with nuts is a handful a day, which means way less almond butter than I'd like to consume...) but hey, I avoided all food for 16 days.
OK. So juice for dinner tonight, for breakfast, lunch & dinner tomorrow. Whew. I can't wait to feel better. Plus I want to do yoga; that makes me feel trimmer, too. They switched the damn schedule! I woke up at 4:25 and drove all the way down there this morning to find an empty parking lot and a dark studio. DAMN THEMMMM gahhh. I guess tomorrow morning or tomorrow evening? Maybe both. I need it. It's been a whole week and I miss it! Also coconut water. Mmm.
Blahhh I want my stomach to empty. Tis gross.
Juice! Juice! Juice! Huzzah for juice!
— molls
